How to Win Power Struggles in Marriage

power struggles

My wife Natalee, and I enjoying life after 33 years of marriage. See my personal story on the about page.

Power struggles is one of the biggest reasons more marriages end up in court then a life filled with love and happiness. Statistically the chances of any marriage to survive is not in everyone’s favor. As the divorce rates continue to skyrocket in marriage the sacred sacrifice of love for many have been lost.

One of the most miserable ways to live life is with someone you have grown to despise. There truly is a fine line between love and hate. If you’re going through power struggles in your marriage, you know exactly what that means. The endless arguments over the stupidest things, and the feeling of resentment, anger, and even regret. Here we will expose the root cause for power struggles in marriage, and offer real solutions that work. When you know the cause you can develop a plan to overcome them once and for all. Having a game plan for your marriage may not seem fun, romantic, or sexy, but the alternative is usually a lot worse.

 Why Power struggles?

When marriage begins certain boundaries have to be established in order for the relationship to have flow and function. These boundaries are invisible barriers that stem from our emotions, feelings, and identity. Whenever silly arguments start they usually have nothing to do with the real issue. The real issue is hidden deep down entangled with emotions that are shrouded with insecurity.

These insecurities are in denial and are usually demonstrated by the need to dominate and have power and control. Overtime we learn to hide behind our true feelings of being powerless, and unappreciated. We try hard to never let our insecurities show who we really are. There are many ways to win power struggles in marriage but here we will cut to the chase. Power struggles can be broken by three key elements that help hold the foundation of the marriage together.

Recognize: When the root cause of power struggles is recognized in marriage you have a real shot at overcoming it. There are real consequences when power struggles persist so weigh them carefully. Power struggles are like a tug-of war pulling a rope exerting every ounce of energy at all cost for victory. The problem is there’s no victory in power struggles with marriage. Both end up losing and many times the children are stuck with the consequences.

Power struggles drains the marriage and eventually causes broken dreams and wasted years of misery. Having a my way or highway attitude will eventually leave you with your worst fears. Powerless, unappreciated, not needed, and alone! Recognizing power struggle motives and realizing the consequences help give a new healthy perspective.

Trust:  It’s better to trust and be happy then not to and be miserable. Trust is not about perfection but more in honesty and dependability. Before you can truly be open and honest there has to be a willingness of trust. Trust takes time and can be lost much quicker than gaining it.

Would you trust someone who makes mistakes and admits it, or someone who lies and tries to cover it up? Many of us are guilty in one way or another if we’re truly honest! Trust is layered in the foundation of truth and without it the marriage will not stand.

Be open: Being more open takes practice, and courage because it will leave you venerable for criticism. When heated arguments start remember the real reasons are insecurities. No matter who is right the tug of war has begun and both are on a quest to win. So how can this never-ending cycle be broken or at least reduced for the purpose of sanity? You will never win with power struggles in marriage as long as you’re pulling the rope. Let go of the rope and harness your inward power to rise above the argument.

Now you’re in complete control and you will need to be as transparent open and honest as possible. This action just cut the rope in half so now there’s nothing to pull from either side. Letting go of the rope is not about being right or wrong, it’s having the power within to destroy the petty back and forth argument and rise above the insecurities.

This starting point broke the power struggles in half and has now left you vulnerable in the hands of your spouse so you can actually hear what they have to say.  This may seem like you’re setting yourself up for disrespect and a lost fight but think again. The battle may have been lost momentarily but the war is now strategic and the enemy is not your spouse but the power struggle itself.

Power struggles vs true love

The power of love can overcome power struggles and bring hope back into most marriages. When you feel out of love and there’s nothing left, love is still there deep down.

power struggles

Some people make more mistakes than others but love covers a multitude of wrongs. Your marriage can always improve if the foundation is built on love the most powerful source in the universe. People will marry for convenience, money, companionship, religion, and so on! But with out “Love” it will never fulfill the desires of the heart. Deep down you know if you are in love or just going through the motions.

One way to make marriage completely dysfunctional is to have an appetite to physiologically overpower your spouse and try to control them intellectually. This will only tear down confidence and if you ever win you have truly lost. Find ways to give compliments and encouragement even if you have to think hard, but don’t flatter. Love is more than an emotion and with time, effort, and patience it can overcome  power-struggles.

The power of love can restore the marriage better than before and reignite the passion to accomplish lost dreams and goals. When two people marry for love, there’s a power that binds them together for any accomplishments in life. Sometimes it seems easier just to walk away then sort out the problems, but with patience love can overcome power struggles.

Develop a gameplan to win

The marriage life without a plan of action is like building a house without an architect. Your marriage should be more than hope for the best and plan for the worst. Most people remember their wedding day and how magical the moment seemed, but things change over time and so do people. The marriage will go through never-ending cycles of change with ups and downs, but the magic is rekindled the moment a vision is born that both agree on and are willing to embrace each other for it.

Having a marriage plan together with goals helps bring clarity back into the relationship. Planned goals are easy when things are going well in marriage but hard when they’re not. When a marriage is under having goals seem pointless! But something powerful happens when both can still agree on set goals despite differences.

Often times when the marriage is on the brink of divorce, restoration is closer than you might think! After 28 years of marriage raising a son and two daughters, I’ve learned a few things about marriage and parenting. There was a time when our marriage was on the rocks and I was blinded with good intentions. I thought what more does she want from me, I work hard supply our needs and never stop.

You see, that was the problem I never stopped! I never stopped to recognize her or tell her how much I love and cherished her. I never stopped to be Open and tell her who I really was and how I really felt about our marriage, life and my insecurities.  And I lost my way and couldn’t even Trust myself not to mention anyone else in life.

Having a marriage plan was the last thing on my mind! You can begin today and avoid the lessons I had to learn by putting in place a plan of action to destroy power struggles for what they are, and begin a new life of vision and purpose. This is the way you win power struggles in marriage.

Final thoughts

Rise above the petty arguments and break free from the bonds that keep the marriage back. This plan of action is a 100% commitment. Not my way or highway. This plan when used properly will  change the circumstance in marriage power struggles and create the life you both deserve.

7 Ways to Handle Stress More Effectively

There are some unique ways to handle stress effectively, but first we have to find the core reasons behind it. Living stress free sounds nice, but in the real world most of us have to find ways to minimize it on a daily bases. Life is filled with things that can easily cause stress, but how we handle it determines our  happiness, well-being, and health.

As we know stress causes illnesses. Our society emphasizes more on what goes into the body then what goes into the mind. What we think about affects our health, and everything else in-between. Here’s seven effective ways to handle stress.

1 – Find the source of the stress

Stress can show up in your life in very subtle ways. You may feel stressed and irritable not knowing why or where it’s coming from. Start identifying what you’re stressed about. How? Step back a moment, and think about what’s really bothering you. For example:

Work related stress: Maybe your workload is simply not feasible.  I worked under these conditions many years. The more I did the more they cut back my help. I was a meat manager for a large grocery chain in Southern California. I was basically doing the work of four people.  After 19 years I finally got fed up, and quit. You can read my full story on the about page. When you feel trapped at work with no way out it causes stress. Once you realize the possibilities of success outside your job it puts things into a healthy perspective.

Financial problems:  One of leading causes of stress victims is financial problems. There is nothing good about being in debt. It’s humiliating, and frustrating to try your hardest only to plunge deeper and deeper into debt. It keeps you up at night worrying how to pay next month’s bills. This causes deep feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression. The antidote is to be grateful for small things despite circumstances. As you study the life of successful entrepreneurs you’ll find that in their darkest moments of disparity they became obsessed with finding things to be grateful for.  Always remember it’s never to late to start over with new beginnings.  There are plenty of solutions as we go along.

Relationships: Whenever you’re with someone you truly love, but can’t get along with causes emotional stress. When you argue, and fight it feels like every ounce of energy you have is sucked out of your mind, and body, and any sliver of hope you have in life is up in smoke. Living with someone you care deeply about, yet can’t even have a conversation without an argument will cause incredible stress in your life. Again we must find the source, and keep digging deeper  to find answers that will help us handle stress better, or at least minimize it.

2 – Take control of your life

As long as we continue to allow circumstances control our happiness we will never handle stress effectively. We must take complete control of our life with purpose, and intention. What we think….What we believe…..Who we hang out with……And what direction we’re going in life. When you take control you take back your power, and with it you can begin doing amazing things with your life. So increase your inner power, while decreasing your stress level. This is a very effective tool to reduce stress in your life.

3 – Create balance

Once you take control of your life it’s much easier to put balance back into the picture. How? Start organizing your time more efficiently. Identify those habits that are time killers, and start becoming more conscientious about your day. This may seem irrelevant to handle stress, but it’s actually a huge factor. Balance keeps everything into perspective with perfect harmony, and motion. Our daily tasks creates both positive, and negative results.

The opposite examples would be a life filled with obsessiveness, addiction, fits of anger, laziness, unproductive, uncaring, unloving, unkind, and unforgiving. These characteristics throw us out of balance with who we truly are inwardly, and they will bring an endless cycle of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness.  So I guess you can say that love, kindness, forgiveness, and productivity bring back balance in a person’s life. From one end of the spectrum to the other balance matters most if you want to handle stress effectively.

4 – Take time out

Sometimes we simply need to take time out to gain fresh perspectives. Taking a step back from any stressful situation helps bring back clarity with better options to handle it. Never make an important decision on an empty stomach, and never allow stress to take over your mind. The only point of power in time we have to make positive changes now. The question is are you ready? The answer depends on your desire. When we get to a place where nothing seems to work it could be time for some change.

Taking a time can bring a new direction with more purpose, and clarity. We are designed to win in life, not to live broken down, defeated, and discouraged. Once you understand this you can condition your life for extraordinary success. But first take time out to establish a game plan, gain momentum, and be encouraged. Doing this will help you overcome your greatest challenges, your fears, your anxiety, and handle stress more effectively in your life.

5 – Set Boundaries

As human beings we need our individualism, and our unique place in this world. Without boundaries this is impossible. We are not some cookie cutter experiment off the assembly line. Without knowing who we are, and where we stand we can never experience a better life.

Without boundaries we go through life like a leaf in the wind. Being tossed, and turned every direction. You’ll wonder around aimlessly seeking your place in this world, and never find it. Instead seek diligence, wisdom, and knowledge as you establish clear boundaries for yourself, and others. Doing this will put you back into the driver’s seat of your life, and you’ll be able to handle stress much more effectively.

6 – Find out what you love

Be adventurous and willing to do things you love doing. Have you ever stopped, and thought about what you loved to do in the past that you’re not doing now? Or enjoyed memories that make you feel good. Maybe a song you hear, or a certain smell that brings back fond memories of the past. Learn to reclaim your passion, and find things that make you happy.

Thinking about the past is not always a negative thing as long as you don’t make your bed there. It has to be done with balance like anything else in life. This is a healthy way to ask yourself what it is that you actually love doing. Start moving in that direction, as you begin to take back control, and put balance back into your life.

7 – Stop worrying about mistakes

How many times have you worried yourself sick over something that never even happened? Our mind is the breeding ground for worry.  What good does worry do? When your world is caving in on every corner it’s hard not to worry. It’s a natural reaction when you see things falling apart all around you. But the truth is circumstance cannot control our emotions, our mood, our well-being, or our happiness.

We can have complete control over every part of our lives by exercising the authority we have within. To every stressful situation there is a real solution that can offset it. Whatever problem you face you must not avoid it. You must confront it, and defeat it.

Embrace mistakes. They’re part of life. But with every mistake comes a valuable lesson that will help minimize stress. Going through life without mistakes is like trying to take a bath without getting wet. It’s not going to happen no matter how perfect you are. So learn from your mistakes, and stop worrying about things that don’t even matter.

Trying to live life without mistakes is exhausting, and produces more stress, and anxiety than necessary. Do your best, and let God handle the stress. We become what we think about most… so why not develop mind-sets that create positive energy instead of thoughts that keep our life on hold.

8 Simple Tasks to Improve Your Results In Life

improve your resultsWhen you start feeling overwhelmed in life wouldn’t it be nice to improve your results every time. Well you can. In fact by the time you finish reading these 8 simple tasks below you’ll have enough tools at your disposal to completely change your circumstances. But first we must identify some of the root causes. For example what is causing these emotions? Usually when we feel unhappy in our life there’s always a reason. Sometimes we know immediately what’s causing it, and other times we might really have to search deep within ourselves to find answers. It could be a relationship, or finances ….. Maybe it’s a situation at work, or a family problem.

The more specific we are at narrowing down our feelings of worry, anxiety, and fear, the more effective, and useful these tasks will work. They will improve your results in life from despair to hope. happiness, and success. Here’s Barrie Davenport with  Feeling Overwhelmed? 8 ways to beat work, And take control of your life. 

13 Ways to Motivate Yourself & Stay Motivated

The best techniques that you can use to motivate yourself usually have a shelf life. Motivation is the driving force needed to fuel any dream, but what happens when the fuel runs dry? What happens when the core of your being is being stretched, and tested beyond anything you’ve ever experienced. To stay motivated we need a plan of action with the motivation to make it a reality. The problem for most of us is not motivation, but sustainability Even highly successful people find themselves in a rut at certain times in their life.

How to motivate yourself

Who needs Tony Robbins when you can motivate yourself? Overcoming the emotional hurdle to get stuff done when you’d rather sit on the couch isn’t always easy. But unless calling in sick and waking up at noon have no consequences for you, it’s often a must.

For those of you who never procrastinate, distract yourself or drag your feet when you should be doing something important, this article isn’t for you. But for the rest of us humans, it’s good to have a library of motivational boosters to move us along.

motivate yourself

How to Avoid Motivation

The best way to motivate yourself is to organize your life so you don’t have to. If work is a constant battle for you, perhaps it is time to start thinking about a new job. The idea is that explicit motivational techniques should be a backup, not your regular routine.

Here are some other things to consider making work flow more naturally:

  • Passion. Do things you have a passion for. We all have to do things we don’t want to. But if life has become a chronic source of dull chores, you’ve got a big problem that needs fixing.
  • Habits. You can’t put everything on autopilot. But I’ve found putting a few core habits in place creates a structure for the day. Waking up at the same time, working at the same times and having a similar productive routine makes it easier to do the next day.
  • Flow. Flow is the state where your mind is completely focused on the task at hand. While there are many factors that go into producing this state, having the right challenge level is a big part. Find ways to tweak your tasks so they hover in that sweet spot between boredom and maddening frustration.

Motivation Tips

Despite your best efforts, passion, habits and a flow-producing environment can fail. In that case, it’s time to find whatever emotional pump-up you can use to get started. Here are a few:

  1. Go Back to “Why” – Focusing on a dull task doesn’t make it any more attractive. Zooming out and asking yourself why you are bothering in the first place will make it more appealing. If you can’t figure out why, then there’s a good chance you shouldn’t bother with it in the first place.
  2. Go for Five – Start working for five minutes. Often that little push will be enough to get you going.
  3. Move Around – Get your body moving as you would if you were extremely motivated to do something. This ‘faking it’ approach to motivation may seem silly or crude, but it works.
  4. Find the Next Step – It’s impossible to work on a project. All you can do is focus on the next immediate step. Fighting an amorphous blob of work will only cause procrastination. Chunk it up so that it becomes manageable.
  5. Find Your Itch – What is keeping you from working. Don’t let the itch continue without isolating it and removing the problem. Are you unmotivated because your tired, afraid, bored, restless or angry. Maybe it is because you aren’t sure you have time or delegated tasks haven’t been finished yet.
  6. Deconstruct Your Fears – I’m sure you don’t have a phobia about getting stuff done. But at the same time, hidden fears or anxieties can keep you from getting real work completed. Isolate the unknowns and make yourself confident you can handle the worst case scenario.
  7. Get a Partner – Find someone who will motivate you when you’re feeling lazy. I have a friend I go to the gym with. Besides spotting weight, having a friend can help motivate you to work hard when you’d normally quit.
  8. Kickstart Your Day – Plan out tomorrow. Get up early and place all the important things early in the morning. Building momentum early in the day can usually carry you forward far later.
  9. Read Books – Not just self-help or motivational books, but any book that has new ideas. New ideas get your mental gears turning and can build motivation. Learning new ideas puts your brain in motion, so it requires less time to speed up to your tasks.
  10. Get the Right Tools – Your environment can have a profound effect on your enthusiasm. Computers that are too slow, inefficient applications or a vehicle that breaks down constantly can kill your motivation. Building motivation is almost as important as avoiding the traps that can stop it.
  11. There are No Small Problems – The worst killer of motivation is facing a seemingly small problem that creates endless frustration. Reframe little problems that must be fixed as bigger ones, or they will kill any drive you have.
  12. Develop a Mantra – Find a few statements that focus your mind and motivate you. It doesn’t matter whether they are pulled from a tacky motivational poster, or just a few words to tell you what to do. If you aren’t sure where to start, a good personal mantra is, “Do it now!”
  13. Build on Success – Success creates success. When you’ve just won, it is easy to feel motivated about almost anything. Emotions tend not to be situation specific, so a small win, whether it is a compliment from a colleague or finishing two thirds of your tasks before noon can turn you into a juggernaut. There are many ways you can place small successes earlier on to spur motivation later. Structuring your to-do lists, placing straightforward tasks such as exercising early in the day or giving yourself an affirmation can do the trick.

Learn to motivate yourself without getting burned out. That’s the key to success in whatever you do. Staying motivated is an art that is not easily achieved. Some great techniques stem from a passionate desire deep down inside. You need to get emotionally connected to whatever it is you need in your life. For example if you need more money start dream building at once. Go do some window shopping, and imagine yourself buying anything you wanted. This takes practice, but over time you’ll feel a stronger connection to what you want in your life. When this happens a desire is born, and with desire comes motivation, and once you learn to motivate yourself the sky’s the limit to your success. See – Thirteen Tricks to Motivate Yourself

 

How a Positive Attitude Changes Everything

They say a positive attitude determines how far we go in life, and everything else between. But does this apply when you’re in an environment where you feel unappreciated, detached, and misunderstood?

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours”. Wayne Dyer

Our attitude affects our relationships, happiness, lifestyle, and success. Developing a positive attitude changes everything despite our circumstances. Statistically half the people born are optimistic by nature, and the other half are pessimistic. Which means there’s a 50% chance that you see life through a negative lens.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. Wayne Dyer

Even the optimist will find it hard at times to have a positive attitude due from life experiences, influence, and social conditioning. So whichever you are,,,, Today is a new day for new beginnings. Forget everything your attitude has made of your life, and start over. Fine-tune it. Sand the rough spots, and start developing a positive mindset that transforms you into the person you want to be. Here are some ways how, and where to start.

Developing a positive attitude

Developing a positive attitude should be our top priority for any accomplishment. First we need to examine what a positive attitude looks like, and how certain parts of our character reflect it. We also need to see why people perceive us in a certain way.

Remember others cannot read your mind, so they measure you through social standing, body language, and communication. If you find a majority of people ignoring you, or not liking you maybe your attitude is misrepresenting who you are. The way you see yourself reflects back to you from other people.

Why is this important? Because how we relate to others determines our success, or failure in everything we do. Your attitude is an expression to the outside world of who you are. It does not matter if you’re right or wrong. What matters is that you develop a positive attitude that connects with people in a way that gives you what you want.

At a glance this may seem like manipulation, but in reality it’s called people skills. And without them we won’t get very far. Here are some ways to develop a positive attitude.

Shape your attitude with gratitude: Without gratitude we become discouraged, bitter, and resentful. Make every effort to embrace a spirit of gratitude in every situation. Seek the most insignificant things to praise, and you’ll find magnificent things begin to happen all around you.

 It’s easy to have a positive attitude when everything’s perfect, but what about when it’s not? You can’t climb a high mountain on a smooth surface.. You need deep crevices to support your next step. The deep crevices are scars – painful challenges that have made you stronger, and more resilient. When faced with challenges our true character always comes out. If you can embrace a positive attitude during the moment of truth your accomplishments will become unstoppable.

Win Big: We all know the world is filled with winners, and losers, but what separates the two? It’s obvious that hard work alone does not ensure success. The dividing line is a positive state of mind regardless of circumstances. This is what separates winners from losers throughout life. Highly successful people develop a winning attitude that eventually creates positive results.

Stay positive The most effective way to change circumstances is to change our attitude toward them. We must embrace a positive attitude, and take complete responsibility for every circumstance we find ourselves in. We must find solutions to hard challenges while removing physiological barriers that impact full potential.

This will change any perspective, and make life a better place to live. There are always things to complain about, but how they’re handled makes all the difference. There are answers to every circumstance we face when they’re seen through a positive attitude. This in my opinion is one of the most powerful effective ways to change your life, and make dreams come true.

20 Famous People Who Succeeded Against All Odds

20 incredible success stories from some of the most famous people who turned their failures into extraordinary success against all odds. As you scroll down and read some of these stories, you’ll soon discover that success is possible for anyone despite challenges, circumstances, or age.

Famous people’s success against all odds

succeeded against all odds1 – Marilyn Monroe had a rough upbringing and was placed in several foster homes growing up. Later she was considered a failed model with little hopes for success. Her modeling agents told her she would never make it as a model, and that she should consider being a secretary. Despite being told she was a failure most her life she went on to pursue her dreams and became a national success. Marilyn Monroe’s character as a dumb blonde was an act, that overshadowed her real beauty inside.

She was a diamond in the rough. Underneath all the glamor was a little orphan girl who was lonely, smart, and full of life, that wanted to express who she really was under the makeup. In the end was a tragic death of a women who succeeded against all odds, and needed something money can’t buy. She needed to be loved for who she really was.

“Someone said to me, If fifty percent of the experts in Hollywood said you had no talent and should give up, what would you do? My answer was then and still is, If a hundred percent told me that, all one hundred percent would be wrong”. Marilyn Monroe.

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Read More Personal Stories Below – Famous People Who Succeeded Against All Odds