How to Win Power Struggles in Marriage

power struggles

My wife Natalee, and I enjoying life after 33 years of marriage. See my personal story on the about page.

Power struggles is one of the biggest reasons more marriages end up in court then a life filled with love and happiness. Statistically the chances of any marriage to survive is not in everyone’s favor. As the divorce rates continue to skyrocket in marriage the sacred sacrifice of love for many have been lost.

One of the most miserable ways to live life is with someone you have grown to despise. There truly is a fine line between love and hate. If you’re going through power struggles in your marriage, you know exactly what that means. The endless arguments over the stupidest things, and the feeling of resentment, anger, and even regret. Here we will expose the root cause for power struggles in marriage, and offer real solutions that work. When you know the cause you can develop a plan to overcome them once and for all. Having a game plan for your marriage may not seem fun, romantic, or sexy, but the alternative is usually a lot worse.

 Why Power struggles?

When marriage begins certain boundaries have to be established in order for the relationship to have flow and function. These boundaries are invisible barriers that stem from our emotions, feelings, and identity. Whenever silly arguments start they usually have nothing to do with the real issue. The real issue is hidden deep down entangled with emotions that are shrouded with insecurity.

These insecurities are in denial and are usually demonstrated by the need to dominate and have power and control. Overtime we learn to hide behind our true feelings of being powerless, and unappreciated. We try hard to never let our insecurities show who we really are. There are many ways to win power struggles in marriage but here we will cut to the chase. Power struggles can be broken by three key elements that help hold the foundation of the marriage together.

Recognize: When the root cause of power struggles is recognized in marriage you have a real shot at overcoming it. There are real consequences when power struggles persist so weigh them carefully. Power struggles are like a tug-of war pulling a rope exerting every ounce of energy at all cost for victory. The problem is there’s no victory in power struggles with marriage. Both end up losing and many times the children are stuck with the consequences.

Power struggles drains the marriage and eventually causes broken dreams and wasted years of misery. Having a my way or highway attitude will eventually leave you with your worst fears. Powerless, unappreciated, not needed, and alone! Recognizing power struggle motives and realizing the consequences help give a new healthy perspective.

Trust:  It’s better to trust and be happy then not to and be miserable. Trust is not about perfection but more in honesty and dependability. Before you can truly be open and honest there has to be a willingness of trust. Trust takes time and can be lost much quicker than gaining it.

Would you trust someone who makes mistakes and admits it, or someone who lies and tries to cover it up? Many of us are guilty in one way or another if we’re truly honest! Trust is layered in the foundation of truth and without it the marriage will not stand.

Be open: Being more open takes practice, and courage because it will leave you venerable for criticism. When heated arguments start remember the real reasons are insecurities. No matter who is right the tug of war has begun and both are on a quest to win. So how can this never-ending cycle be broken or at least reduced for the purpose of sanity? You will never win with power struggles in marriage as long as you’re pulling the rope. Let go of the rope and harness your inward power to rise above the argument.

Now you’re in complete control and you will need to be as transparent open and honest as possible. This action just cut the rope in half so now there’s nothing to pull from either side. Letting go of the rope is not about being right or wrong, it’s having the power within to destroy the petty back and forth argument and rise above the insecurities.

This starting point broke the power struggles in half and has now left you vulnerable in the hands of your spouse so you can actually hear what they have to say.  This may seem like you’re setting yourself up for disrespect and a lost fight but think again. The battle may have been lost momentarily but the war is now strategic and the enemy is not your spouse but the power struggle itself.

Power struggles vs true love

The power of love can overcome power struggles and bring hope back into most marriages. When you feel out of love and there’s nothing left, love is still there deep down.

power struggles

Some people make more mistakes than others but love covers a multitude of wrongs. Your marriage can always improve if the foundation is built on love the most powerful source in the universe. People will marry for convenience, money, companionship, religion, and so on! But with out “Love” it will never fulfill the desires of the heart. Deep down you know if you are in love or just going through the motions.

One way to make marriage completely dysfunctional is to have an appetite to physiologically overpower your spouse and try to control them intellectually. This will only tear down confidence and if you ever win you have truly lost. Find ways to give compliments and encouragement even if you have to think hard, but don’t flatter. Love is more than an emotion and with time, effort, and patience it can overcome  power-struggles.

The power of love can restore the marriage better than before and reignite the passion to accomplish lost dreams and goals. When two people marry for love, there’s a power that binds them together for any accomplishments in life. Sometimes it seems easier just to walk away then sort out the problems, but with patience love can overcome power struggles.

Develop a gameplan to win

The marriage life without a plan of action is like building a house without an architect. Your marriage should be more than hope for the best and plan for the worst. Most people remember their wedding day and how magical the moment seemed, but things change over time and so do people. The marriage will go through never-ending cycles of change with ups and downs, but the magic is rekindled the moment a vision is born that both agree on and are willing to embrace each other for it.

Having a marriage plan together with goals helps bring clarity back into the relationship. Planned goals are easy when things are going well in marriage but hard when they’re not. When a marriage is under having goals seem pointless! But something powerful happens when both can still agree on set goals despite differences.

Often times when the marriage is on the brink of divorce, restoration is closer than you might think! After 28 years of marriage raising a son and two daughters, I’ve learned a few things about marriage and parenting. There was a time when our marriage was on the rocks and I was blinded with good intentions. I thought what more does she want from me, I work hard supply our needs and never stop.

You see, that was the problem I never stopped! I never stopped to recognize her or tell her how much I love and cherished her. I never stopped to be Open and tell her who I really was and how I really felt about our marriage, life and my insecurities.  And I lost my way and couldn’t even Trust myself not to mention anyone else in life.

Having a marriage plan was the last thing on my mind! You can begin today and avoid the lessons I had to learn by putting in place a plan of action to destroy power struggles for what they are, and begin a new life of vision and purpose. This is the way you win power struggles in marriage.

Final thoughts

Rise above the petty arguments and break free from the bonds that keep the marriage back. This plan of action is a 100% commitment. Not my way or highway. This plan when used properly will  change the circumstance in marriage power struggles and create the life you both deserve.

About the Author:

Hello I’m Archie Manley Site Author. Even though I run this site it’s not about me, it’s about us, and our journey toward a better life. You can read my personal story on the about page.

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